Every year in major cities across America, corporate mascots are abandoned in favor of expensive typefaces or well-designed rebrands.
Here at the Mascot Adoption Agency, we scour the trash across our filthiest cities, looking to give discarded mascots another chance at a happy life.
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- Stars
- 1
- Stripes
- 6
- Mascot Morale
- 95
Positive, wholesome personality. Great value, great customer support. Loyal and proud.
To adopt Mr. American, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- Beaver/Squirrel
- 50/50
- Dam collecting
- 87
- Mascot Morale
- 85
Likes hoarding, nuts, making things, construction.
To adopt Beaverell, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- Sugary milk
- 85
- Nutritional value
- 72
- Mascot Morale
- 76
Likes breakfast, sports (esp. football), cartoons, plastic toys.
To adopt Cereal Madrid, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- Stinkiness
- Kinda
- Meltability
- 78
- Mascot Morale
- 36
Has a tiny cheese slice on his head for a hat.
To adopt Cheese Head, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- Adorability
- 99
- Positive Attitude
- 99
- Mascot Morale
- 99
Green, organic, good. Locally sourced and ethically cleaner than a really honest wet-wipe.
To adopt Daisy, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- Alien Additives
- 1254
- Mustard
- 44
- Mascot Morale
- 94
Into tech, the future, finance trends, being in the know. Very smart but has a sense of fun. Also likes hot dogs.
To adopt Space Dawg, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- Smell
- Awful
- Sock Disguise
- 87
- Mascot Morale
- 56
Sniffs out personal data and transactions. Vague over whether he protects or exploits personal data.
To adopt Nosey Nose, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- Trail slimyness
- 76
- Trail slimyness
- 76
- Mascot Morale
- 32
Loves the internet and being entertained and looking at everything. Very good at multitasking and sharing information.
To adopt Peekaboo, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- Trail slimyness
- 76
- Salt resistance
- 22
- Mascot Morale
- 42
Perfect for buggy / slow sites. Curabitur eget metus tortor. Suspendisse interdum velit ac dolor rutrum ornare.
To adopt Sluggy, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- eyeball stacks
- 1
- nose squiggles
- 4
- Mascot Morale
- 56
Energetic, speedy playful, fun, likes kids and toying around. Full of buzzzz.
To adopt Snozzle, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email!
Contact Us
mascots@mascotadoptionagency.comDesign & Code By:
Fictive KinIllustration By:
Jon Burgerman-
- Stars
- 1
- Stripes
- 6
- Mascot Morale
- 95
Positive, wholesome personality. Great value, great customer support. Loyal and proud.
To adopt Mr. American, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- Beaver/Squirrel
- 50/50
- Dam collecting
- 87
- Mascot Morale
- 85
Likes hoarding, nuts, making things, construction.
To adopt Beaverell, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- Sugary milk
- 85
- Nutritional value
- 72
- Mascot Morale
- 76
Likes breakfast, sports (esp. football), cartoons, plastic toys.
To adopt Cereal Madrid, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- Stinkiness
- Kinda
- Meltability
- 78
- Mascot Morale
- 36
Has a tiny cheese slice on his head for a hat.
To adopt Cheese Head, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- Adorability
- 99
- Positive Attitude
- 99
- Mascot Morale
- 99
Green, organic, good. Locally sourced and ethically cleaner than a really honest wet-wipe.
To adopt Daisy, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- Alien Additives
- 1254
- Mustard
- 44
- Mascot Morale
- 94
Into tech, the future, finance trends, being in the know. Very smart but has a sense of fun. Also likes hot dogs.
To adopt Space Dawg, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- Smell
- Awful
- Sock Disguise
- 87
- Mascot Morale
- 56
Sniffs out personal data and transactions. Vague over whether he protects or exploits personal data.
To adopt Nosey Nose, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- Arm Count
- 0
- Eyeball Length
- 44
- Mascot Morale
- 56
Loves the internet and being entertained and looking at everything. Very good at multitasking and sharing information.
To adopt Peekaboo, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- Trail slimyness
- 76
- Salt resistance
- 32
- Mascot Morale
- 42
Perfect for buggy / slow sites
To adopt Sluggy, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email! -
- Eyeball stacks
- 1
- nose squiggles
- 4
- Mascot Morale
- 56
Energetic, speedy, playful, fun, likes kids and toying around. Full of buzzzz.
To adopt Snozzle, send us an email letting us know why he’s your mascot of choice, and how you’ll take care of him.
Email!